Kindergarten: Colorful Hell
by flo-bizet
Summary: Sanji starts kindergarten after throwing numerous tantrums against the idea. There, he makes new friends, learns new lessons, and discovers that boys don't cook... did I mention he also helps Zoro lose some baby teeth? Includes Kitty Mihawk! I'm serious.


**Date Written:** April 20, 2008

**Summary:** Sanji's first day of kindergarten! Group sigh!

**Flo:** … I have no clue where I'm going with this. I was just inspired after seeing a fanart of mini Sanji and Zoro and kitty Mihawk, then reading (despite my knowledge of the Japanese language being non-existent) the doujinshi it was based off of.

**WARNINGS!** Who knows? Uuuuuh, spoilers for crew members and language? I don't know, this is all very spur of the moment.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece… go to a different story for a clever comment, I hate these with the passion of a thousand white hot burning suns… no, that doesn't count for clever commentage.

**Hope you enjoy!**

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Sanji glared out the window of the car at the building before him. Or tried, since he really couldn't see too far up it. The car seat helped a bit, but not enough. That plan failing, he quickly resorted to glaring at the back of Zeff's head, knowing that eventually the guy would glare back through the rear view mirror, thus properly acknowledging how unhappy Sanji was.

A minute passed and Zeff had only grumbled curses and began to tap the steering wheel. Sanji puffed out his cheeks at this. Why the hell wasn't the shitty geezer paying any attention to him?!

(Reason being unbeknownst to Sanji since he couldn't read, Zeff had purchased a book on parenting and somewhere it had said that when your child is throwing a tantrum, if you ignore them then they will eventually tire out. Zeff was wary of this technique since Sanji was a stubborn bastard, but was willing to try anything to get child services off of his back.)

Deciding that the man needed to be taught a lesson, Sanji stretched towards Zeff's knife packet in the other seat with the intention of throwing it on the ground (that would teach him!). This action made Sanji curse his stupid car seat even more because the straps were keeping him from getting to it.

"Don't even think about it, Baby Eggplant," Zeff growled.

Sanji was very pleased at finally getting a response from him, but he was still annoyed at being ignored to begin with. So he kept trying to get the knife pack.

"I'm warning you," Zeff continued.

Sanji didn't obey.

"If you don't stop that when I count to three, you'll be sorry."

Sanji doubted that.

"One."

Almost there.

"Two."

Just a little more.

"Two and a half."

His finger was just barely touching the strap.

"THREE!"

In a flash, Zeff had turned around in his seat and had his large hand around Sanji's tiny wrist. Sensing danger, Sanji desperately tried yanking his hand away but found it to be useless.

He heard Zeff take a deep breath before trying to give a friendly smile to him. It didn't work, just so you know. "Sanji," he began, "don't you want to go to school to have fun and make new friends?"

"No," Sanji simply answered.

Zeff's eyebrow twitched (why didn't he have Carnie or Patty do this?!). "And why's that?"

"Because it's stupid and I don't wanna! I wanna stay home and cook with you!"

(Aw, that was sweet… but Zeff wasn't about to let that blond haired, blue eyed little brat wiggle out of this because he was too damn cute! Which is what a woman would be thinking, not Zeff.)

"You're not allowed in the kitchens, you're too young. You can't even reach the counter."

"Yeah, I can! I just need to stand on something!"

"Forget it, I said no and that's final! Got it?"

Sanji held his breath in retaliation. Sadly, Zeff poked his cheek, making all the air go out, foiling his plans once again. It was times like those in which Sanji furthered his plans of running away to join Iron Chef.

Eventually, Sanji had somehow been dragged out of the car and was looking at a combination of the sidewalk and Zeff's shoes. He had failed and now he was being forced into kindergarten, away from cooking and knives and stuff. Honestly, what was he supposed to learn in a classroom, anyway?! Nothing useful, that was obvious. Everything that mattered was where Zeff was going. Besides, how could he have fun when there wasn't a kitchen?

Zeff suddenly dropped Sanji and his things unceremoniously onto the ground, ordering him to stay put while he spoke with some… person, he really wasn't paying attention. He was much too busy sulking.

The entire world must have had it out for Sanji that day because he was not permitted to sulk alone. Instead, a cat walked up to him. Sanji didn't know why, he hadn't called the thing over. Yet there it was, staring up at him with really creepy eyes, wearing a weird collar with a cross on it.

Sanji was a bit concerned. Not scared, that was for sure. Just concerned. He remembered that Zeff didn't like him to be anywhere near stray animals and had to chase off a dog on one memorable occasion. Said memory made Sanji all the more nervous and wondering if he should disobey Zeff and go inside with him. It wouldn't be the first time he didn't do as he was told, that was for sure.

"Hey, what're you doing?!" Sanji suddenly yelled at it. The thing was nudging and clawing at his bag, apparently wanted to get into it. He was just about to snatch his bag away when he noticed that it was on the skinny side. It's stomach was much too small, in his opinion.

Sanji quickly looked back at the door and listened for any indication that someone was about to come out, before opening his bag up and taking out a small milk carton. He then set it down on the ground and stared at it.

The cat made a grab for it, but Sanji stopped it before it touched the carton. "No, kitty!" he said. "We need to wait for it to cook! It's on the stove and so it's too hot to touch, okay?"

The cat appeared to glare at him (quite an easy feat when it's eyes were so damn creepy looking), but did sit down. Sanji petted it for being good.

After waiting another five seconds for the milk to finish cooking and after adding invisible spices to it, Sanji served the cat it's Cartone a la Milche. It was very grateful and lapped up as much milk as it could before knocking it over. That was acceptable, though. It was hungry and you can't except people to have good manners when they're starving.

"SANJI!" he heard Zeff shout before being swooped up.

"Bad cat!" someone else was yelling. "Go away, shoo! Shoo, I say!"

"Are there always stray animals around here, Franky?!" Zeff was obviously pissed off about this. Why, Sanji wasn't quite sure. It had a collar.

"No, sir, just this one," the guy, Franky, answered. "It's not really bad, but there's this one student who is always trying to fight it… and loses. He's a bit hard headed!"

"Is that because of your teaching or because he's just stupid?"

"He just likes to fight."

Zeff grunted at this.

Sanji, meanwhile, found this bit of information interesting. Perhaps he could spar with that kid in order to prove to Zeff not only how much he had improved, but also that he was more grown up than he was given credit for, thus realizing that Sanji belonged in the kitchens. What a perfect plan!

"Well, just forget about that cat," Franky told them, Sanji's bag slung over one arm. The cat still sat off to the side, staring at them. "I'll take Sanji for now, you go onto work."

"Right," Zeff answered, beginning to hold Sanji out for Franky to take.

While the prospects of fighting some kid were very appealing, being handed over to a blue haired, weird eye lashed freak was by far not. Thinking quickly, Sanji jerked around and grabbed onto Zeff's ridiculous moustache and held on for dear life.

"Sanji, what the hell are you doing?!" Zeff yelled.

"I don' wanna go!" Sanji answered.

"Damnit, how many times are we going to go over this crap?! You're going and that's final!"

"NO!"

"Let go!"

"NO!"

"I said let go!"

"NO!"

It was then that Zeff began speaking in a mysterious language that rang across the entire block, the likes of which should never be heard nor read by men. This foreign tongue directed at Sanji caused him to slacken his grip on Zeff's facial hair, giving him enough room to be yanked away by Franky and let Zeff run back to the car.

However, halfway there, Zeff turned around, ran back, patted Sanji on the head with a, "Be good." Then he officially left

"That wasn't so bad, right?" Franky asked.

Sanji didn't respond, for he was too busy (not) pouting.

"… Okay, how about we go and meet your classmates! That sounds like fun, right?"

No response.

"Come on, bro', you're making me think you don't like me or something!"

"No shit," Sanji mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothin'."

"Huh… Anyway, let's go and show you your new friends!" Sanji did his best to repress his shear and utter joy as Franky carried him off like a sack of potatoes, the cat following.

He had to admit, this wasn't the worst of places he'd been. The playground was enough to make Sanji somewhat interested in kindergarten since Zeff rarely had time to take him to the park (Patty and Carnie usually got stuck with that, but would eventually grow tired of Sanji kicking their shins and cussing them out, making them take him back home before actually arriving at the park). It wasn't a kitchen, that was for sure, but Sanji was capable of enjoying other things.

"And here we are!" Franky announced, finally setting Sanji on the ground inside some colorful room.

That's when he saw her.

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**1.)** Ten points for guessing what Sanji saw.

**A/N: **Hum, I can't tell if I like how this came out or not. Oh well. Again, I have no clue where this is going. Ten more points for a plot! I do know the next chapter, though. Anyway, I primarily just wanted to write a Sanji story, which took longer than it should have. I see Sanji as being kind of clingy as a kid, but in denial since he would think that Zeff wouldn't respect him or something. Also, Zeff didn't kick Sanji for reasons I'll later mention. Oh, and this is the art that inspired me (take out the spaces):

vtophya. deviantart. com/art/ OP-Toy-Kitchens-79930347

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with kitty!Mihawk.


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